I have been diagnosed with Manic Depression with Psychotic symptoms.
My most bothersome symptoms as of late include:
- General loss of interest in activities
- Despair
- Obsession
- Hallucinations
And a whole host of other things. Really, I am just unhappy. I have a LOT of free time on my hands and am staying away from my friends hundreds of miles away from college.
I struggle with philosophical questions and a general disinterest in life, often leading to suicidal ideation. Though life may in fact be meaningless, hopeless, and all of that jazz I cannot help but recognize that if I were healthier, if I made an effort to be more sound, I would not feel this way.
I am 184 pounds and 5'7", and a chain smoker. I have acid reflux, problems standing for long periods of time due to foot injuries, and am in general pretty miserable.
During winter break, 6 weeks, I gained 7 lbs. I will be in the same conditions for summer, 18 weeks, and I do not intend to gain 19 lbs. I am therefore making an effort to in fact lose weight, and become more healthy in general.
Ideally, I would come back from this summer a healthy weight, and at least more mentally stable than I am now. Therapy and medication are not out of the question.
Essentially, I am using this blog to keep myself accountable, and to relieve much of the antipated boredom I will probably experience which will make me want to smoke and eat. Instead of pigging out, drinking, and chainsmoking, I will instead take it out on this blog.
Thats the plan anyways.
